The King’s Road Cad

I went on a date on the King’s road once a while back and we ended up in the pub the ‘Jam Tree’ where they film parts of the series ‘Made in Chelsea’.

The conversations I overheard are the inspiration for this. It’s now one of my favorite pieces. 

The date went rather well as well. 


The King’s Road Cad

I am a trustafarian,

I know a Rastafarian

He couriers the ganja

To my flat off the King’s road


My father works in property

He says that it’s a lottery,

He seems to have it rigged because

He always makes a load.
I went to thirteen different schools

Thrown out them all, I was too cool,

For snorting blow and ketamine

With Tarquin, Charles and Flo.


In summer we sloped off to Nice,

In winter skiing on the piste,

Mixed with aristocracy

Dropped acid in the snow.


Attended college in the sticks

Drove Daddy’s car too fast for kicks,

Took a third in Catering

And Management from Brookes,


Now I say I went to Oxford, though

I never say the college so

They all assume I’m smarter,

Please don’t take a second look.


Then the city opened up its arms,

Embraced me, kept me safe from harm,

I waste your pension money

Like I used to waste my dad’s.


I party every night till three

With girls who‘re just as thick as me,

We drink and shout and yell and snort

And say ‘My god we’re mad’.


So, bugger off you sad, poor proles

You’ve never driven in a Rolls,

You should have been born richer

It’s not my fault, it’s you!


I’ll sneer at you as I walk by,

You’ll want to hit me in the eye

But people like me run the world

There’s nothing you can do!

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