I went on a date on the King’s road once a while back and we ended up in the pub the ‘Jam Tree’ where they film parts of the series ‘Made in Chelsea’.
The conversations I overheard are the inspiration for this. It’s now one of my favorite pieces.
The date went rather well as well.
The King’s Road Cad
I am a trustafarian,
I know a Rastafarian
He couriers the ganja
To my flat off the King’s road
My father works in property
He says that it’s a lottery,
He seems to have it rigged because
He always makes a load.
I went to thirteen different schools
Thrown out them all, I was too cool,
For snorting blow and ketamine
With Tarquin, Charles and Flo.
In summer we sloped off to Nice,
In winter skiing on the piste,
Mixed with aristocracy
Dropped acid in the snow.
Attended college in the sticks
Drove Daddy’s car too fast for kicks,
Took a third in Catering
And Management from Brookes,
Now I say I went to Oxford, though
I never say the college so
They all assume I’m smarter,
Please don’t take a second look.
Then the city opened up its arms,
Embraced me, kept me safe from harm,
I waste your pension money
Like I used to waste my dad’s.
I party every night till three
With girls who‘re just as thick as me,
We drink and shout and yell and snort
And say ‘My god we’re mad’.
So, bugger off you sad, poor proles
You’ve never driven in a Rolls,
You should have been born richer
It’s not my fault, it’s you!
I’ll sneer at you as I walk by,
You’ll want to hit me in the eye
But people like me run the world
There’s nothing you can do!